If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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