He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
