OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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