I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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