there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
