Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bring me that man meat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
