That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
