so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He did a backflip because drugs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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