try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
