i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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