I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
