i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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