i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
