dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
