someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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