I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
