I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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