there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
