she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
