Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Michael Bay diarrhea
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize