ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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