I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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