Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
