Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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