Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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