hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
