Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
