i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
