at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
