listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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