i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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