Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
