we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
