yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
