God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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