Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
