I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
