It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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