...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
