I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone signed my nipple.
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