i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
