If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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