She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
