I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
