Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize