The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
