I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
