# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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