Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
