You're my little dorito
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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