Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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