he was CRYING into my vagina
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
