Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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