I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
