At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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