I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
