We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
