Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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