Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
