I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
