Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
