It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
