We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
