Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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