all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
