U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
