after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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