even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
