her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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