Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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