They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
