I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
