did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
