My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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