Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
